That Perfect Romcom Playlist in Full

Angelina Banjolina "These Clouds Are Made of Bedrooms"

Pope Of Snooze "Tocatta In Ping"

Lyle Litler "Anyone Gotta Pen?"

Futi "I Will/Won't"

The Hoops "You and Me and You and Me and Me and Me and Hey Where'd You Go"

Frape "I Like Poo"

Same Thing "Corridors and Hallways"

Orson "Wells"

The Counters "Song 9"

Fake Native "Don't Do The Voice"

Uncle Mom "(We Both Look A Bit) Like Lena Heady"

Singing Detective "Christ On A Bike"

Cat Screidle "Song To a Fucking Tree"

APpphex Twin "Voink"

Tocatta In Ping "Pope Of  Snooze"

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 6

The Face of Zi surveyed his troops.
"ALL HAIL, THE FACE OF ZI!" cried the standard, then - bringing his teeth together and moving his voice to the back of the throat - "Haig Gi, haig Gi!"
"That was you," surmised the Face of Zi, "Where are the others?"
"IT'S SO ODD," cried the standard, "I KNOW."
"Were they following you?"
"DEFINITELY."
"What do you mean 'definitely'?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
"Yes or no: Before you set off, did you check if they were following you?"
"IF ANYTHING -"
"Yes or no."
"IF ANYTHING 'DEFINITELY' IS EVEN MORE AFFIRMATIVE THAN YES, SO... I DON'T NEED TO SAY YES, BECAUSE I'M SO SURE, THAT - IT'S NOT EVEN -"
"Were they following you?"
"SURE."
"That's not a yes."
"I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU'RE PURSUING THIS."
"Can't you?"
"LOOK, I WAS HOLDING THE STANDARD REALLY... REALLY HIGH. IF THEY DIDN'T SEE THAT, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I COULD HAVE-"
"So, higher than you're holding it now?"
"YOU KNOW,  I'VE A GOOD MIND NOT TO GO TO WAR FOR YOU NOW, ACTUALLY, IF THIS-"
"Uh-huh."
"IF THIS IS THE KIND OF OPERATION YOU'RE... you're... Oh don't look sad."

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 5

 

The sun would not set. Zorin could see that now. The sun would never set. Not entirely. The night would just have to take its chances. "Zorin," Zorin thought... "What is Zorin? A name. But is that name me? I am Zorin. But I am not my name. But my name is Zorin. But if I am not my name, how, then, can I be Zorin? The Buklup teaches us, moving always one dimension higher, that the map is indeed the territory. But does the Buklup not also say that to colour that map in, one should not use anything one hopes to sign one's name with? No names then..." thought Zorin, "Not this nearly-night..."
Relaxing, Zorin's back finally enjoyed the coolness of the sort-of-beach, and the skylight in his/her head opened with a gentle "ftung" to reveal... a single rose...  or something. Maybe wires, I could not really tell from where I was. And a foot? Perhaps I'm not the best person to be telling this actually. If I'm honest, you know I'm not even sure it was Zorin.

Uncredited illustration

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 4

"Zeff, will you just let me see the hair?"
"The hair's fine, babe. You can see the hair."
"I can see your crotch. Will you sit down?"
"The hair's fine, Zalinda."
"Zeff, why won't you just sit down and let me -"
"Because then I have to move the chair again, and -"
"Why do you keep moving the chair? You don't have to move the chair!"
"It's too near the desk."
"Of all the things! How can it be 'too near' the desk? Where else's a chair going to go?"
"It's just, we've got all this space -"
"The chair's fine, Zeff. Just won't you let me see the hair?"
"It's fine."
"So you cut it."
"I didn't cut it."
"No, I know -"
"I know how important it is to you I come to this work thing, Zalinda. I'm not going to cut my own hair!"
"You got it cut, I mean."
"Sure. Cerberus cut it."
"Who's Cerberus?"
"Cerberus! Our robot!"
"Robot? We don't have a - Wait, that thing in the corner? Zeff, that is a burglar alarm! It can't cut hair!"
"Well it cut mine."
"Okay. Well, if you won't sit down I'll just have take your - Wait, is that what you're going to wear?"

 

Illustration by Peter Elson.

(With thanks as ever to 70s sci-fi art.)

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 3

 "Oh yes," bleated Zagthus, "Sorry, sometimes it does that."

(Thank you, Ralph "designed Star Wars" McQuarrie.)

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 2

"Oh, Zif, I'm so glad we decided to go fishing in the Plains of Madness."
"Hm?"
"Were you distracted just then by Zork's catch?"
"No. Hm? No... Just... Just wondering who's boat that is - Hey, is that a tent?"


Later that day:

"Honestly, Janik-Sue, how can we still be hungry? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

(With thanks to Shusei Nagaoka and, as ever, 70's sci-fi art.)

Whuh... What's happening to me?!

I LOVE YOU, DAVE FOLEY!