Helpings

 It occured to me yesterday, happily and suddenly, that my lack of engagement with the blog might not, in fact, be incontertible evidence of a waning enthusiam for things I see and do as I fall into my fifties, but simply the inevitable consequence of Non Disclosure Agreements. Most of the things from which the rest of my life now hangs are projects a digital signature on a PDF proscribe me from mentioning until the results go out, and by then it feels too late to send a postcard. 

 

 I suppose I could have mentioned I'd spent five beautiful afternoons towards the end of 2024 in a writers' room for Mitchell & Webb's new sketch show when the press release for it first went out back in February, but then I was probably nursing too much guilt for not having been able to mention I'd worked on the pilot script in 2023 (Mitchell and Webb Need Help it was called then. Can I even say that?) Maybe "beautiful" isn't exactly the right adjective, but I definitely want one of the good ones, because being invited aboard the writing team of a sketch show in 2023 felt like receiving a phonecall to say you'd won an Oscar when you didn't even know you'd made a film. 

 

 Here's me in the room, "established" according to Big Talk's press release.

 

 There are many other reasons I'd want the good adjectives: I really enjoy pissing around with millenials for a start. I also don't think I've seen Robert Webb so happy. Watching him and David improvise material across a table in a way I had never witnessed before – perhaps having been away from each other so long – made sitting there, laughing, peeling tangerines, and asking if anyone wanted the window closed feel like contribution enough from me. I did contribute more though, in the end. I contributed The Goomb – a sketch first mentioned on this blog in 2022, and originally submitted to That Mitchell and Webb Look in Two-Thousand-and-Ten. Other sketches were bought, but none filmed. Still, fifteen years on, HERE'S HIGH SCHOOL FAUX PAS!...

 

 

 

TV Shows? Is it not clear HIGH SCHOOL FAUX PAS! is a movie?

 

 Perhaps because the intervening years had been so full of Finnemore (the first series of Souvenir Programme went out in Two-Thousand-and-Eleven) the gap between shows never seemed that big to me, but then I realised fifteen years is also the interval between Sylvester McCoy's Doctor Who and Christopher Eccelston's, which is of course the longest amount of time betweeen two things there can be. It was gratifying to see how well the sketch went down with the new guys. I suppose dying inside while someone watches something you made on a laptop is what brought them here. I am proud. I'm so happy. I am such a fan of everyone involved. You see, this is the problem with not writing about something until it's out. What can you say? I miss them? 

 I'm still in France by the way.

 

Languedoc

 

 Not all the sketches are viewable here. I don't know why. I think what links them is having a "Writers' Room" bit. And I want to share one of those, I just don't know if I'm posting the right one as I can't see it, but if this is the sketch I'm thinking of, Lara Ricote did indeed originally propose it as a car commercial...

Let me know if I'm right. (UPDATE: Back in the UK now. Yeah.)

 

 That's not the actual writers' room of course. Ours was a lot fuller: essentially a sandwich of walls, old fashioned shash windows and the sound of drilling, sideboards covered with awards, a big table on the inside spotted with varying systems of discarded tangerine peel, and a meaty, seated talent filling in between the two. I was there the morning Trump was reelected. I wouldn't have been anywhere else in the world. Stevie Martin wrote a great post about writers' rooms here, by the way, on her substack. And while I'm plugging stuff I have nothing to do with, Lara's comedy special "GRL/LATNX/DEF" is on youtube here, and diamond sharp.

 

And Krystal Evans' instagram is here.

 One of my favourite things about seeing Mitchell and Webb Are Not Helping finally go out in August was seeing all the accompanying Sketch Show Opining. Honestly. Rachel Aroesti in The Guardian defined the form's importance pretty succintly, I think, as "an important mechanism for digesting the world", but she also descibed them as "hit and miss" whereas the truth is – as the Radio Times wrote in its preview – that they're "tapas": different people like different bits. Pete Paphides' observation in his interview with David and Rob in the same magazine, that "sketches are the main space into which they decant their affection for each other" was another lovely summing up. I do think if there were more sketch shows on the telly, people might be better at getting stuff off their chest and differences might not be so likely to become divisions, and I enjoyed self-identifying youtuber video essayist Stubagful's savvy theory below, as to why telly stopped making them: not economics, as is normally suggested, but snobbery: "The sketch show died because the TV industry wants to think it's better than the internet... Nobody wants to be just another content creator." All of Mitchell and Webb Are Not Helping should be available to enjoy on Channel 4 HERE, and I think it's glorious.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 32: Where Pounds Won't Go!

"Pound as in the pounding of these zammoths' feet?"

"What zammoths? The ones to our right?"

"The ones I'm pointing at. Well, yeah, those ones, okay. God. So I wasn't exactly pointing at them. But yeah. God."

"No. Pounds as in insert-national-currency-here. The future has no regulated currency."

"Oh, and air?"

"No. And no zammoths. They're hallucinations. This planet's atmosphere is too thin. We're dying of radiation sickness."

"Speak for yourself. My body's packing in because it doesn't know how to function on a planet that has only a third of Earth's gravity. Hey, where are those guys going?" 

"I can't see what you're pointing at."

"Forget it... Where are we again?"

"Fucking everywhere, apparently."

 

 Illustration by nobody.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 31

 

 It was in those small hours, the sleepless hours, tending the Sentient Wurtlizter Node long beyond her command, that Zimogen Fingertickler could feel her late husband by her side, or possibly just the ghost of someone dressed as her late husband, he was tickling her finger whoever he was. 

From "Solaris Number Two!"

Illustrator unknown 

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 30 – The Ambassadors

 

 "Stop it!"

 "Zztopit!"

 "Stop copying-!"

 "ZZtopcopying-!"

 "I mean it!"

 "Muh muh muh!"

 "Seriously I'm going to break your-!"

 "ZZeriouzzlyI'mgoingtobreakyour-!"

 

Illustration by Michael Whelan

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 29

 "Tell me... Zenneth, was it? We mut do something about that name... Do you like my Mister Blisters? I've just had them fitted. I know blister mist is not to everyone's taste – Hush! – Ignore Nillson and Bucky, they're just muscle..."

 

From "Bucky Saves the Day!"

Illustration by Jim Burns

Turpintude

 The fact my laptop now crashes every time I so much as look at iMovie has made editing this video an act of pointilism, and for all the the time it took, it clearly needed more, but once I'd imagined the haves of Metropolis confronted with Ben Turpin in A Clever Dummy, I knew I had to see it. So at least now that's done. And let's face it, for all his singing, George Seurat wasn't so hot at painting hats either. Speaking of a Sunday on La Grande Jatte, here's some people meeting today in groups of no more than six...

 

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 28: PLACEHOLDER

 

 "Actually no, we keep the lid open, so it can breathe."

 "Oh, I see. Is the screen on an arm then?"

 "The whole crib's on an arm."

 "Yes. That arm, is it quite complicated to adjust?" 

 "Why would people want to adjust it?"

 "But it is adjustable?"

 "This is the luxury model."

 "Have you lined it with animal hide?"

 "Fur. Exactly."

 "Shouldn't the fur be on the outside?"

 "IT IS!"

From "How It's Made: Stewart Lee"

Illustration by Don Maitz

Bachmanday 2021

 Today this blog is fortunate enough to celebrate yet another birthday of the irreplaceable James Bachman, which the keener-sensed of you will notice I have marked this year with a video of myself. This is only because missing from last year's thanksgiving was any mention of what a generous hub James Bachman has been in my life; James Backbone, I call him. I've probably never felt more legitimately acceptible among stangers than at his birthday bashes, and the video above (filmed at the London Dungeon in 2012) is something James put up on his channel only because I was too late submitting it for inclusion in the video below, even though, obviously, the far easier course would have been not to put it up at all. Here's what I missed, featuring contributions from a murderer's row of the brightest white, male, then-mid-to-late-thirties comedy writing talent knocking around: Richard Glover, Miles Jupp, Rufus Jones, Jason Hazeley, Joel Morris, Toby Davies, Jonathan Dryden Taylor, John thingy, pretty much every name James had to plough through at the end of every episode of That Mitchell and Webb Sound. He doesn't appear himself (UPDATE: Wait, is that him as Sir Ian McKellan?), but it's a beautiful example of the funniness that could happen around and because of him. I'm very glad he's in Los Angeles, because – you know me – I'm happy when anyone's in Los Angeles, but I've also enjoyed spending today wondering what fun would be happening if he was still local.

 Many happy returns, James. I honestly appreciated being bunged on at the end of this.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 27: MARVEL CLASSICS EDITION!

 Not every power would be relevant to every challenge. Reed understood this even if Sue didn't. Still, he was glad he'd brought the ropes along. It was nice to have something to do...

 A classic Jack Kirby cover – which my friend Alex Fitch got Stan Lee to sign for my birthday! – and which, decades earlier, I ripped off, from memory – (I hadn't noticed the other eye) – for the front of a Conan spoof I then never got round to drawing.

 

Sometimes this blog will just be me playing "Tiny Sticks" on the ukelele.

With thanks to – and for – Emerald Sapphire and Gold. (First wormed into my ear in The Tennis Show.)

 

 

(recorded 11pm this evening)

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 26

 

 The overture began. Dimly, but that's what the volume knob was for, or whatever it was one had now to root around for with a cotton bud in place of a volume knob. It didn't really matter who was broadcasting, or why. It never had mattered, which had been part of the problem, but true nonetheless. There were no wings to wait in as such now, but the stool and dresser provided a suggestion of "backstage", and the teetering remains of the unpowered servers enough cover for these few last-minute rituals. Or, at least, what she hoped would become rituals - everyone has to start somewhere... Was that the end of the overture? That was the end. Cyber Security Unit 14-R rose without a squeak and, almost floating, joined her new colleagues. And the ballet began.

 

 

 

From "Cyber Security Unit 14-R's Soft Reboot". Illustration by Mel Hunter.

Robot Ballet by Oskar Schlemmer.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 25: Arena Of Decisions

 

 "Behind one door..." 

 Their patience was wearing thin. Zoger had to choose. He could hear the mockery of the arena through the plasti-hull. But the umpire had checked; there was nothing in the rulebook against climbing insider a "view-loosener" (as Zoger had termed his new conveyance). 

 Lady... 

 Or tiger... 

 Zoger checked the screens again. The readouts were clear enough. 

 Or were they? Was that a scar? Were those supposed to be tits? And even if he could decipher what he saw, was he certain which screen related to which door? The lights along the top had thrown him.:White... Red... White... White... White... Did that mean something? How to tell what was behind the doors? How? The panic rose in Zoger's chest as he began to wonder if it might have been a better idea to put the window at the front. 

Illustration by Ed Emshwiller

Heaven Just Got A Haircut

Tom Haircut, 1922-2020

 Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Mel Brooks... it really did seem as if that gang of pioneers would live for ever, but it turns out writer, perfomer and director Carl Reiner would only make it to ninety-eight. Well, hallelujah for him. It can't have been easy to build movies around a conceptual stand-up like Steve Martin, but you wouldn't know it looking at Reiner's CV. He absolutely understood "stupid", and I don't think there's any more spirit-lifting proof of this than the clip below. This is Your Story is the Sid Caesar's Show Of Shows sketch my family would look out most often, when wanting to get delerious, but this is my own personal favourite. It might actually be the most influential bit of comedy I've ever watched, which might explain why I didn't really go into comedy: even making fun of how little work you're doing looks really hard. That's Carl Reiner on the left. This went out live. God, it's good. Hallelujah. Enjoy.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 24

 "Well, we went for a walk."

"Yep."
 "And now we're back."

"Yep."
 "And we're on Mars."

"Mm."
 "So this is Mars."

"So shall we go back into our home?"
 "Then we can take our helmets off."
"I mean, sure."

 "Mars though!"

From "Boring Space Aventures"
Again, a post that was hanging around on the reserve benches for months, and never meant to be remotely relevant. I bet those bubbles smell horrible.

 Illustration by Chesley Bonestell

Some days this blog will just be something like "Hey, have you heard of Loriot?"

 

Ten seconds from Loriot's "Ödipussi" (1987)

 Morning! I hadn't heard of him until last week, but, continuing with the unintentional theme of German enertainers, posted below is a wordless sketch from the late Vicco von Bulow – or Loriot – a writer, comedian, and animator for whom I can't think of any English-speaking equivalent. (This is why I always sit in the seat I have been allocated. Also, interruptions are funny.)

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 23 (with musical guest Howard Jones!)

 Each of them held a clicker. They could count down from nine thousand in perfect unison without looking, but they liked the noise the clickers made. "Fiiiive." Click. Entirely still, their green eyes fixed on the stripey horizon. Countdown nearly done. "Fooooour". Click. No horizons more stripey than the unmatched horizons of Zuu-cakeymoon. No plains more bare. "Threee." Louder now their high voices. Click. "TWOOOO!" No matter how much they puffed out their chests, their voices were just high. Click! "ONE!" Click! And as one, they turned clockwise: "COOOOOOMINNNNNG! READY OR N-...... Tt."

Illustration by Bruce Pennington.

Hwarder

Deliciously, this is what the actual Daniel Day-Lewis was up to when "Tash" first aired.

 Listening to Robert Webb talk on "Rule Of Three" about Gareth Edwards' writers' room meetings, I was pleased as pencil-cases to hear how vain he feels watching "There Will Be Tash", because I love everything everyone does in that sketch, and have seldom felt more useful as a writer. Just to elaborate a bit on what Jason, Joel and he were saying: I did indeed come in with an idea that Daniel Day-Lewis might be secretly scared of his own moustache, and that there might be out-takes proving this, but it was crucially Robert who suggested, already stroking his upper lip, that the real focus should be an interview with the actor in which the interviewer refuses to discuss anything else. What I wrote then was what Robert described, and while I think I did a cracking job, it was by then not a hard job.

 

 I didn't even write my favourite line in it. Similarly, in another meeting at which I suggested a Victorian picnicker ask if anyone else could smell "come", it was Jesse Armstrong first who observed that this was actually the smell of linden trees (although I've since heard others say it's horse chestnuts) and, crucially, it was David who suggested that the focus of this sketch should be the assertion that specifically never asking this question was the whole point of the society these people inhabit. So, again, while I'm happy to go along with saying that that sketch is one of mine, it could never have been written outside of what was always, wall-to-wall, Robert-and-David's show. ("Prayer and a Pint" on the other hand...)

Fumble Date

 Here's 23 seconds of slapstick from 2005 and the devising process of shunt's Amato Saltone starring Kittens and Wade (to give it its full title). That's me on the left, Layla Rosa on the right. We had the idea to project shadows onto the windows, but none of it was used in the end, so seeing this turn up a decade later on Susanne Dietz's vimeo channel was a lovely surprise.

 I was fine.

Some days this blog will just be something like "Hey, have you seen Two Trenchcoats In A Kid?"

 An incredibly stupid idea, beautifully executed. I literally clapped at the end. Thanks, Eric Fuerer.
 

 If you enjoyed this, Matt Roger's Barking Glass on the same channel also made me loud.

EXCITING SPACE ADVENTURE 22 - The Sights

 "Well I don't know what we were expecting to see..." muttered Zorian.
 "You - You guys didn't think that was wild?! I thought you'd really dig - No, uh, no problem, there's other sights!" But Plok could see his fare slipping away...
 "SO SHOULD I SEE SOMEONE ABOUT THIS THEN OR > BWAAAP > WAIT, ARE NONE OF YOU DOCTORS?..."

Ilustration by Ed Valigursky.